Airmail is Unreliable
by THIboxNK
Summary: [NaruSasu. OneShot.] Naruto writes a series of letters to Sasuke during his first year in Otogakure, never received. [Maybe, someday, I'll get to tell him myself...]


_Disclaimer: I own nothing of Naruto. If I did, why would I be writing fanfiction?_

A/N: This fic is probably at least slightly AU after the Valley of the End, and because it's un-betaed it probably has some mistakes, but please bear with it. Also, the letters are in italics, and actual events are in normal print. Please don't mind the font. Also, Naruto sweard quite a bit at the beginning. Mind you, he had good reason. Sorry if it's offending in any way.

**Airmail is Unreliable**

_ August 1st_

_Uchiha Sasuke:_

_I don't get you, you bastard! What the hell is wrong with you? You're such an idiot, you jerk! How could you leave Konoha like that? Don't you get that there are a whole bunch of people who care about you that you left behind? What about Sakura-chan and Kakashi-sensei?_

_What about ME, you fucking bastard?_

_You told me that the time we spent together meant something to you! You told me that I was your best friend! So why did you do it? Why did you try to kill me?_

_Why, damn it!_

_You can give me whatever stupid speech about friends making you week and connections making you vulnerable, or whatever you want! I don't believe a word of it! You're just scared!_

_I don't care what you think, I'm bringing you back, Sasuke! Even if I have to break every bone in your body and drag you all the way to Konoha myself to do it! I'll get you back home, because that's what a real friend would do!_

_-The OBVIOUSLY superior, Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage_

_ August 8th_

_Uchiha Sasuke:_

_You're an idiot. Let me repeat: YOU ARE AN IDIOT. You always call me "dobe", but you're really the one who's a dead last! You're the real loser on Team 7, Sasuke-teme!_

_You hear that? You're on TEAM 7! Get it through your pretty-boy head that we're not letting you go! You made Sakura-chan cry when you left, so I have to find you and put your face into the ground for her! And don't you dare think that I'm too weak to do it, because I can kick your ass! Dattebayo!_

_So, on that pleasant note, I'm gonna go have some ramen. I'll see you (and beat you up) soon!_

_-Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage, and KICKASS shinobi_

_ August 15th_

_Uchiha Sasuke:_

_Stubborn jerk. Why won't you come home yet? Haven't you figured out yet that Orochimaru is just a stupid snake-pedophile who's after you because A) he wants the sharingan, and B) he thinks you're hot? I can't see what's so appealing about staying in Otogakure and getting molested by that pervert._

_Wait! Do you have the hots for Kabuto? That would explain things…_

_Kakashi-sensei doesn't seem normal lately. He's been… almost… on time-ish. Yesterday he only kept me and Sakura-chan waiting for him for about half and hour. It's all your fault, Sasuke! You made Kakashi-sensei even crazier!_

_Bastard, I gonna drag you back here pretty damn soon; you're screwing up Team 7's entire routine!_

_-The future Hokage, Uzumaki Naruto, strongest genin in ALL the WORLD_

_ August 22nd_

_Uchiha Sasuke:_

_Guess what, bastard, I'm gonna go train with ero-sennin! And, despite being a dirty old perv, I know for a fact that I'm gonna get FREAKIN' STRONG training with him, so watch out, pretty-boy! I'm gonna get you for sure, and you're gonna feel the wrath of ME, Uzumaki Naruto, ninja-extraordinaire, future Hokage and BADASS fighter!_

_-Uzumaki Naruto, ninja-extraordinaire, future Hokage and BADASS fighter_

_ September 5th_

_Sasuke:_

_Ero-sennin is a SLAVE DRIVER. You know, it's kinda hard to picture him as somebody so strong when he's always being such a perverted dork, but I'm pretty lucky to train with him._

_You know, you could probably get a lot stronger if you were here training with me instead of off with Orochimaru! Shows how much of a "genius" YOU really are! If you were really so smart, you would've stayed in Konoha and trained with me, instead of using the power the bastard gives to you!_

_You know, sometimes I'm not sure if I wanna bring you back, or just give you a good kick in the ass OF A CLIFF!_

_-the currently PISSED OFF Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage and Ultra-Strong Shinobi_

_ September 19th_

_Sasuke-teme:_

_Damn you. Sometimes I hate you guts._

_… Sorry. About what I said, you know, about the whole pushing you off a cliff thing. I was just kinda tired and banged up from training, so I was in a bad mood. I shouldn't take it out on you. That's no way to treat your best friend._

_And YEAH, I was kinda patronizing you. Wanting to kill your best friend for power's not any better than wanting to push 'em off a cliff for being a bastard._

_Hell, I might say it's kinda worse._

_Argh, damn it. I'm trying to make up with you and I'm screwing the whole thing up. You know, talking to you is a real pain! I just keep picturing you glowering at me, and I get all awkward, and DAMN IT!_

_Come home already, bastard, so we can finally get back to normal._

_-Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage, who currently is FRUSTRATED with you_

_ October 10th_

_Sasu-chan:_

_Happy Birthday To Me! Since you're still acting like you've got a stick up your ass and ignoring me, I've decided that my birthday present from you will be this adorable new nickname for you. Enjoy being even more effeminate that usual._

_You know, you could've at least stopped by. You should've seen what ero-sennin got me! (I didn't even know he knew that today is my birthday.) I've been growing a lot lately (Hah! You can't say I'm short EVER AGAIN! BWA!) and my arms got too long for my old jacket, so he got me a new one! It's orange a black, and even better than the old one!_

_I'll be you'll be insanely jealous that I'm still so damn stealthy in it. Uzumaki Naruto is such a brilliant shinobi that it doesn't matter what he wears: no one can catch him! No one, dattebayo!_

_-Your future leader, Uzumaki Naruto, 13 years old and WISE_

_ November 6th_

_Sasu-chan:_

_I know I've said it a million times, but won't you come home already? I… I miss you, bastard. I'm still traveling around with ero-sennin, but I haven't seen you once. It's been months._

_I haven't seen Sakura-chan or Kakashi-sensei for a while either. No matter how strong I'm getting, it still feels like I'm so far away from finding you, and every day I feel like I'm running out of time._

_I've got less than three years to get you back, before you're dead._

_You could be just a LITTE more helpful, you know! But like I've said, I'm gonna bring you back one way or another!_

_-Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage, recently made Punching Bag for Pervs_

_ December 11th_

_Sasu-chan:_

_I thought I saw you yesterday. Ero-sennin and I were just passing through some nondescript town on the boarder of the __Land__ of __Fire__, and I could've sworn I saw you just walking through the streets. I ran after you, but when I turned a corner you were just… gone._

_Damnit, teme, don't DO that! It really pisses me off when I get my hopes up and then you just go and disappear on me._

_I'm going to get you back soon, you hear me?! I don't care if you get your revenge, you know, so if I have to I'll kill Itachi myself to get you to come back!_

_-Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage, and ULTRA-DETERMINED best friend_

_ January 28th_

_Sasu-chan:_

_I wonder if you know that I have a demon inside of me. You should've been able to figure it out by now, since you've fought against the Kyuubi's power._

_You must be a whole lot more STUPID than people think you are if you don't know._

_What do you think about that, Sasuke-teme? Do you hate me for my demon? Or could you forgive me for the misfortune of being born at the time I was?_

_I hope that soon I can get you back so that you'll answer me._

_-Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage_

_ February 3rd_

_Sasu-chan:_

_For some reason, I keep thinking about what you said to me. You know, about not understanding what it's like to lose everybody. _

_Why do you have to be so damn SMART? It really bugs me how much sense most of the stuff you says after I think about it for a while._

_You're right. I don't know what it's like to lose everyone close me. I didn't have anyone when I was younger, so I guess I've only ever know what it's like to gain people. I really can't understood what you felt when Itachi killed your family._

_And I think that's why I can understand you. Because I DON'T get it— and that's how I can comprehend the depth of the loss you felt… indescribable._

_So, bastard, why don't you come back already so I can tell you this TO YOUR FACE!_

_-Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage_

_ February 11th_

_Sasu-chan:_

_…I don't know why I'm telling you this…_

_I had a… weird… dream last night._

_About you._

_And me._

_We were fighting (obviously). _

_I was yelling at you to come back…_

_And I tackled you…_

_Then you flipped us over…_

_…_

_And did stuff._

_STUFF._

_…_

_-Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage_

_ February 13th_

_Sasu-chan:_

_It HAPPENED again._

_DAMN YOU!_

_-Uzumaki Naruto, creeped out and PISSED (and future Hokage)_

_ February 19th_

_Sasu-chan:_

_I BLAME YOU!_

_Come HOME already, and MAKE. IT. STOP!_

_-Naruto, creeped out, pissed off, and STILL future Hokage_

_ March 17th_

_Sasu-chan:_

_I hate having revelations._

_You know, this is almost as bad a when I found out I had an evil demon fox inside of me._

_Wait. Scratch that._

_WORSE._

_I don't think I can even bring myself to write it…_

_You're supposed to be my BEST FRIEND!_

_…FRIEND!_

_I shouldn't feel this way about a friend. Especially not a guy. So damn it, why do I feel like this about YOU?! We were rivals! We liked fighting each other, challenging each other, and beating each other to bloody pulps while taunting each other! That's the way we were supposed to be! _

_You're Sasuke. You've always been there, motivating me, pissing me off! You were always important, but never like THIS!_

_I never LIKED you!_

_I never… loved you!_

_DAMN IT! You've fucked with my mind for long enough! Just come back already so I can kiss—_

_So I can BEAT YOUR BRAINS OUT!_

_-Naruto, future Hokage, not currently speaking to you anymore_

_ July 3rd_

_Sasuke:_

_You've gotten a lot stronger recently. It's been almost a year, you know. I suppose I should've expected it. I suppose Orochimaru really is training you well…_

_Not that I will EVER in ANY WAY condone you going to that pervert. I still swear he wants to molest you._

_And that's MY JOB._

_…_

_I'm going to be blunt with you. I'm not a guy for long-lasting denial. I'm not going to pretend that I don't care about you, a lot more than a normal friend would. I'm not going to hid the fact that I think you're FREAKING hot._

_I think your still active fan club could tell you that. _

_Seriously, you betray the village and I swear you fan club still gets larger every year! How the hell do you do it, Sasuke-teme?_

_…I got off subject again. And I keep putting in awkward pauses. You've fucked up my mind, bastard, and you've apparently fucked up your own too._

_You were different. It's not that you look all that different, though you did look even paler (which I had not idea was even physically POSSIBLE), and taller, too. (You're trying to undermine my great feat of growing, aren't you!?) What I mean, is your eyes were different. You weren't scowling, and you didn't even seem annoyed. You were just… cold. Indifferent._

_And it PISSES ME OFF!_

_So I'm going to get you back, no matter what!_

_-Naruto, future Hokage and RESCUER OF SASUKE_

_ August 1st_

_Sasuke:_

_I've been writing you for a year. A lot had changed since then. Me, you. Everyone else is changing, too. At least, I assume so. I haven't been back to Konoha for a long time, now. I miss it. Do you miss home, to Sasuke?_

_But, you know, bastard, I miss you more. I've seen you once, I've fought you (and I'm still pissed about that whole, now I'm not even good enough to kill thing), but I've haven't really been with you. Just that image you put out for others to see._

_And I want my Sasuke back. The Sasuke I somehow managed to fall in love with despite his being an annoying bastard. The Sasuke I always…_

"…think of, even when I should probably be doing something productive. Like training. So I'm going to actually focus on training for once. I'm sorry to say that means the end of my little letter project, but since you'll be back in Konoha soon, that doesn't matter all that much. I'll get to say it all to you in person.

"Signed, Naruto, future Hokage and (hopefully) boyfriend of Uchiha Sasuke."

Scribbling a little bowl of ramen onto the edge of the page, Naruto sighed as he completed the letter. He smiled sadly. "Yeah… I'll get to say it all to you, in person… Sasuke."

He jumped as he heard Jiraiya shout to him from behind the shady covering of several trees: "Come on, brat! We're leaving!"

Naruto jumped up and put the letter into a large, stuffed envelope. "Just a second, ero-sennin!" Quickly, he scrawled another ramen cup onto the envelope's outside and sealed it. He fished around his pocket for a moment before he pulled out a long string and tied it around the envelope.

He spun around for a moment, before grinning as he pulled his jacket off the ground, revealing the bright orange helium balloon below it. Catching it before it floated off, he quickly knotted the string around the balloon's end before releasing it. He watched in relative fascination as it rose into the air, barely weighted down by the light paper attached to it.

"Hurry _up_, Naruto!"

His smile never fading, Naruto called back, "I'm coming, I'm coming, you impatient pervert!" He ignored Jiraiya's furious ranting as he approached, his train of thought currently floating up towards the clouds.

'I wonder if Sasuke could find those?' he wondered. "Nah," he murmured, "Airmail is totally unreliable."

"What're you muttering about?"

"Nothing!" he said cheerfully. "Just pondering the mail delivery system!"

"…Do you even know what the word 'ponder' means?"

"Why you…!"

--.0.--

A/N: Well, I bet almost no one actually read this fic the whole was through, and got annoyed with it around letter three. So, if you managed to get through it, please review, and tell me what you thought! If you flame, I would like a good reason. But when considering my grammar, think about the two hours I spent writing this from one to three in the morning.

I'm gonna go to sleep now. I'm getting light headed.


End file.
